We are excited to welcome guest blogger Sarah Mann Willcox to share her story of the importance of the Board CEO relationship, especially during challenging times. Sarah is the Executive Director of the North Carolina Network of Grantmakers, and is a longtime partner and friend of Armstrong McGuire.

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Nonprofit board and staff relationships are often… we’ll say, “complicated.”

Each board chair and executive director partnership is unique and distinct from any other. Best practice recommendations stem from a wide array of nonprofit organizations, shaped by the unique personalities, historical practices, and structures that often existed prior to the current chair and executive director taking their roles.

All that said, this Spring I experienced something that I think should be lifted as a case study for how boards – and particularly board chairs – can work with nonprofit leaders who are going through significant personal difficulties.

I serve as the Executive Director of the North Carolina Network of Grantmakers – a statewide organization that helps foundations learn and network with one another. I’ve been in the role for about a year and a half, but I was the program director for 8 years before taking over. Our board is made up of a dedicated mix of our member organizations, and I’ve known many of them ever since I started my career in nonprofits.

On May 4th of this year, my 37-year-old husband, Preston, died after undergoing treatment for advanced colon cancer for six years.

Yes, I know that was an abrupt shift in prose. And it felt exactly like that in the early part of this year when it was clear his cancer was progressing.

Here I was, at a new professional high – bringing back our in-person conference, hiring a new team, getting my feet under me as a new ED – and yet my life at home was falling apart.

We had palliative care and then hospice nurses coming in and out of the house. Our 10-year-old son still needed to get to school and baseball practice. In my time between Zoom calls, I was on the phone with doctors and insurance companies.

To say that it was chaotic and scary is something of an understatement.

When I reflect on how in the world I survived that period of my life, there are loads of factors that contributed (not the least of which was the privilege of being a white, middle-class family with access to white-collar, flexible jobs and health insurance, but that’s a post for another day.)

There are three pieces that I want to highlight, because I believe nonprofit boards can learn from what my board did extremely well.

1. Our board chair, Andrea Hulighan of the Winston-Salem Foundation, was an absolute rock, and listened to what I needed. She granted me the kindness and understanding of allowing me to engage in work when I needed to and the grace to withdraw when the moment called for it.

2. Andrea, and other NCNG board members, checked in diligently with my team. (A side note, one new staffer started the day before Preston entered the Hospice house – what a way to start a new job!) They made sure they had the resources they needed. They encouraged them to take a step back when things got wild, and they reminded them that their well-being was more important than any meeting or task that was on the docket.

3. All of their support and love went well beyond what was best for our organization. The entire board lifted up my son and me and helped me to understand that they saw me as a person dealing with an impossible situation, not just an individual responsible for an organization.

This shouldn’t feel novel, but I think that we’re so often compelled to separate our work and home lives that we lose sight of the undeniable fact that they are intertwined. How we show up at work is as much about what we’re dealing with at home as anything else. It’s ridiculous to pretend otherwise.

So, I have some advice:

Board Chairs: Be like Andrea. Engage with executive directors beyond how the organization is functioning. Get to know the other members of the team so they know they can call on you if s*** hits the fan. Remember that your job is as much to be a steward of the people in the organization as it is to manage the governance of the nonprofit.

Other board members: When a crisis comes to pass, stay in touch with the board chair and be ready to jump in as needed. Maybe you help with emailing when something needs to be canceled. Perhaps you offer to have lunch brought in for the staff. Consider sending a card or token of your care. Support the people first, organization second.

Executive directors: I was shocked at how many people got my out of office message and said, “good for you – it’s rare I see nonprofit executive directors that take time to be with their family.” Truly – I heard it so many times that I thought it was a fluke. Dedication to the mission and the work is absolutely critical, and we’re trying to solve massive problems in the world. But you can’t do your best work for your community if you’re not also remembering to care for yourself. You also set examples for your teams – they won’t take time off if you don’t.

Staff members: Hang in there. You know more than you think. Don’t forget to ask questions and push pause if you need to. The NCNG team was instrumental in keeping things going while I was dealing with Preston’s death, and my proudest moment was when my colleague, Megan, canceled a meeting because she was dealing with something at home. It was absolutely the right call, and I’m so glad she knew that her well-being needed to come first.

I’d be happy to talk with anyone who is struggling with this – board members who want to be better supporters or EDs who need an ear. We’re in this together, and we’ll all be better off if we remember that we’re just humans doing very hard work in difficult circumstances, and we’re all going to need a lot of grace to keep moving.